Just Keep Swimming

You know you’re tired when you’re trying to call the optician using the calculator app on your phone and you’re wondering why the phones not working. Or maybe it just means I really do need the eye test. Pronto. Or a holiday.

I am thinking about holidays, doing nothing except for enjoying my children and discovering new places. But first a decision on where to go. A few people keep muttering to me that the UK really id beautiful. I concur. But I’m not keen on the wind, rain and unpredictability of it all. And whilst we are multicultural here in England, I don’t consider a trip to china town as being as exciting and memorable as a trip to the Wall of China. Not that I am planning on going to China, but you get the idea. And whilst the “English Riviera” sounds very nice, it doesn’t have quite the same appeal as it’s French counterpart.

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So I am pondering, if I could go anywhere in the world, where would that be? It’s not something I find easy to answer to be honest. Sunshine is always a must. But aside from my desire to try top up my Vitamin D and explore some new places I don’t really know what I want. Which is pretty typical of me. I can tell you everything I don’t want, for sure. But ask me to make a decision given endless opportunities and I am fish like. Floundering.

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This I have realised is becoming increasingly prevalent when I am faced with decisions that I actually give any thought to. I am very good at making impulsive choices with no real thought at all . In fact I am an expert. I have a PhD in impulsivity.. Act now, pay later type behaviour is ingrained in me. It has brought me a lot of joy, a bit of stress and also some ‘oh shit, why did I do that’ moments.

I don’t know why decision making is so hard. But genuinely I just really do no know what I want sometimes.  “Decision making for dummies” has so far failed to provide any clues on how to get around this problem. The easy option, always, is to get someone else to make decisions. That way the stress of sorting through all of the options is removed and or course the added bonus is that if it’s the wrong decision, I would have someone to blame. Only it doesn’t ever work like that, because when things do go wrong I can’t help but wish I’d taken charge. So whilst I wait for a decisive clone of myself to be produced (preferably  from circa 2005), I will try and get my inner fish to swim with purpose, away from the nets that threaten to trap me, towards calmer waters where  hopefully I can bask in the sun.

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