Darkness. It takes away the light, shortens the days and can be a thief of joy. To feel it can be unbearable and yet paradoxically, there is something comforting about allowing it to seep through your skin and into your heart. It is self indulgent. The war that rages against negativity wanes, allowing a wave of feelings to wash over the tired warrior, bringing with it a mix of self loathing and relief.
There is nothing pleasant about feeling crap. And the mere acceptance of allowing it brings with it a self disgust, and ingrained belief that really the fight should continue. But weariness is no match for a beast that is silent, cunning and at times unrelenting, and eventually fatigue rolls us over to submission. And so comes the relief. A little respite where the defences are dropped, energy is recovered and rest is welcomed. But this is not without compromise. Days of fog, subdued feelings – numbness and an insane desire to run a thousand miles or scream uncontrollably can be the currency traded for submission.
That’s just the way it is.